The Psychology of Comfort: How Everyday Items Become Powerful Resources
For anyone shedding a skin, changing shells, or just trying to keep it together on a Tuesday.
What if there’s more to support you than you might first realise? What if there’s support all around you — if you know how to look for it? Kind of like those trippy magic eye paintings… You can’t see the dolphin at first, but then bam! you do — and once you do, you can’t unsee it.
That’s how I feel about resources.
But first, let me take you back…
I’m 11 years old. I’ve just started boarding school. It’s my first UK winter, and I am FREEZING. I’ve got thermals, pyjamas, a dressing gown, a duvet AND a blanket… and I’m still cold. But worse than the cold? The loneliness. My parents, my dogs, my cats, and my big sister Morag are 6,000 miles away. And honestly? It f*cking sucks. At night in our bedroom dorms, they’d play bedtime stories over the Tannoy to soothe us. But to me, they just felt alien. They reminded me I wasn’t home.
So I created my own bedtime ritual: I shut my eyes, clutched my teddy bear (PJ Bear - still alive and well!), and listened to the only cassette I had. It had two songs. Side A was the Friends theme tune. Not because I was obsessed with the show - at age 11, a lot of the humour flew over my head! But Morag loved it. She was obsessed with Ross and Rachel. And I was obsessed with my big sister! So hearing that theme tune made me feel close to her. Somehow, hearing “I’ll be there for you…” made me believe that maybe… someone would be.
That cassette tape and that bear?
They were my first resources… I didn’t have that word for it then. I just knew they helped me find some peace and comfort during what felt like long, cold lonely nights.
#BoardingSchoolTrauma
Fast forward to my 20s. At some point, with all the confidence of a woman trying to have her sh*t together, I declared I was “too old for bears!”
So I vacuum-sealed PJ Bear into a bag and chucked him in the loft. Then, in my early 30s - whilst working with a therapist to do inner child work - I realised: Erm, nope. I was absolutely not too old. In fact, I needed that bear, damnit!!
So I dug him out of the loft. Apologised to him (don’t judge me - I know you talk to plants and objects too 😛). I actually felt a palpable sense of relief when I got him back, which kinda suprised me... I’ll be honest though and say that I also felt a little silly!
Even now, I can still have moments where I judge myself! “Come on, Briony. You’re a fully grown adult… and you want comfort from a teddy bear?” 🙄
And yet, yes, he still soothes me. When my dad died, I let myself nap while holding PJ Bear. And if my house caught fire, I know for a fact that, along with my humans, pets, passport, and guitar, I’d be grabbing that old well-loved worn bear!
Because a resource is anything that brings you back to yourself.
Navigating change in life
One of the main ways I support people is helping them navigate personal change. That might mean starting a business. Or selling one. You might be moving cities. Or leaving a long term relationship. Maybe you’re navigating deep grief. Or processing becoming a parent! Often my coaching clients are often smack in the middle of “Big Life Sh*t™”.
And there’s one question - no matter what my clients are working on - that I get asked every. single. time.
“…what do I do when I’m in it?”
Going through big changes in life can feel like being flung around inside a washing machine. It’s easy to stick to our practices when things are going well, right? Yoga. Gym. Journaling. Meditation, etc, etc. But when life is bucking us off like a wild stallion? When we’re flooded with fear or stuck in the swirl of uncertainty… That’s when we often forget our tools! That’s when we can easily abandon ourselves…. We tend to seek control or distraction. Booze. Sugar. Scrolling. Shopping. Sex. Netflix binges. Anything to numb or avoid what’s actually going on.
Wherever you’re at in your transformation - whether you’re just starting to shift, right in the thick of it, or crawling out the other side feeling like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards - there’s one major thing that can support you! And that’s IDENTIFYING A RESOURCE.
What is a resource?
💡 A psychological resource can be internal or external. It’s anything that helps you feel safe, seen, soothed, or grounded. Finding something - even just one thing - that helps you feel steady enough to stay present. To not abandon yourself in the middle of the mess.
Sometimes that’s your breath.
Sometimes it’s a mantra #EverythingIsAlwaysWorkingOutForMe
Sometimes it’s hugging a tree on your lunch break.
And sometimes… it’s a bear in pyjamas.
Resources aren’t always Insta-ready (lookin’ at you, shiny amethyst crystals). Sometimes they’re messy, weird, or a maybe even a little cringe. But if they help you feel more YOU? Then that’s a resource for you :) Resources are personal. What works for me might not work for you - and that’s exactly the point. You’re allowed to use them. You don’t have to “power through” without support.
In fact, let’s normalise adulting with comfort items. Let’s reframe softness as strength. Being a grown-up doesn’t mean you never need soothing on a mental, physical and emotional level - it means you know how to take care of yourself, and actually do it.
How to identify your own set of resources
Grab a pen and reflect:
✨ What helped little-me feel safe?
✨ What soothes me now — even if it seems silly or subtle?
✨ What reminds me of home, or people or places where I feel seen and held?
I’ll share here a list of some of my own resources, for illustration and inspiration, in case it helps fuels some of your own ideas:
PJ Bear (obviously)
Being in nature - especially on my bicycle or barefoot hiking
A memory of being in the sea in Mexico, aged 19
A photo of my dad I took while travelling
Extending my exhale with a sigh
Listening to music (bless you, Spotify)
Singing or playing guitar
A cup of tea
Solitude
Long hugs with someone safe
My bare feet in the grass
Mindset lectures
Firmly rubbing my upper chest/heart space
Hot water bottles. Weighted blankets. All the cosy things!
These are simple. They’re mostly free. And they work.
When you hear yourself say: “I’m struggling,” Instead of powering through or beating yourself up - pause and ask:
“What do I need right now?”
“What might help me feel a bit more grounded?”
Needing resources doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re resourced! You wouldn’t call someone weak for needing a glass of water when they’re thirsty, eh! So let’s stop shaming ourselves for needing comfort, and glorifying pushing through. Especially when you’re changing a shell or shedding a skin - take good care of yourself, la! Keep topping up the metaphorical fuel tank. That’s how you ride through any waves of chaos. That’s how you keep your sanity! Trust me.
How resourcing yourself helps others
If you have a belief that self-care is somehow selfish, I’d love you to consider it as strategic instead. “Stress makes you stupid” one of my coaching clients once said. Yup! When you’re running low on mental and emotional resources - and stress burns through your personal resources big time - it’s SUPER important to take care of yourself. You will bring your brain back online by RESOURCING yourself!
Put another way, taking care of YOUR basic needs and resourcing yourself is a radical act of self-respect. Resoucing yourself GIVES you the energy you need! The energy to keep showing up as a grounded, mature adult for the people around you. If you choose to not take care of yourself, then the people around you will be getting the wobbly, reactive, less-mature version of you. Which version of you do you want running your life?
If you need to hear it: embrace thy cringe. Hug thy bear. Resourcing yourself isn’t silly! It’s a power move 🧸🎶🌳 So… what’s a resource for you? I’d love to know. Drop me a message here with yours!
Big love,
Briony ✨
